If you are
worried about a friend, colleague or family member they may really
appreciate you asking how they are. Talking about a problem is never
easy. If it's really bad, what can you say?
You don’t
have to be able to solve their problem, or even to completely understand
it, but listening to what they have to say will at least let them know
you care.
Sometimes
people often want to talk, but we just don't realise. Fortunately, people
do put out signals. Sometimes they are very tentative signals, but the signs
are often there if we know what to look for. Here are some ways that
people signal that they may need help:
* Being
irritable or nervous.
* A change in
routine, such as sleeping or eating less than normal.
* Drinking,
smoking or using drugs more than usual.
* Being
untypically clumsy or accident-prone.
* Becoming
withdrawn or losing touch with friends and family.
* Losing
interest in their appearance. For example dressing badly, no longer
wearing make-up or not washing regularly.
* Making
leading statements, such as 'You wouldn't believe what I've been
through' or 'It’s like the whole world is against me'. People sometimes
say these things in the hope you will ask them what they mean, so that they
can talk about it.
* Putting
themselves down in a serious or jokey way, for example 'Oh, no one loves
me', or 'I'm a waste of space'
Hearing
someone else’s worries or problems can be distressing for you too.
Samaritan Volunteers often talk through a conversation that they found
upsetting, with another Volunteer, in order to get some support
themselves. We would encourage you to do the same.
You might talk to
another friend about it or, if you have promised not to tell anyone
else, you can call Samaritans who will keep the information
confidential. Take care not to take on so much of other people’s
problems that you yourself start feeling depressed.
